On vacation at Ojo Caliente spa I met and established easy rapport with a very pleasant woman slightly younger than myself. I’ll call her Sylvia. Sylvia felt comfortable readily confiding in me, but more than that: I believe she felt a strong need to confide and share her painful story.
She had come all the way from NY, with various aches and pains, seeking refuge at this peaceful, relaxing spa, in the middle of nowhere, nestled into the cliffs. Upon arrival, she was still too keyed up to relax. Thankfully, after a day, the spa had begun to work its charms, and she was able to retrieve her laughter.
Sylvia is a PhD physicist with a well-paying and meaningful job. Caregiving responsibilities for her parents and aunt and uncle have now defaulted primarily on to her shoulders.
Sylvia is in a no-win situation. She has chosen to be “the good daughter” and moved in with her parents to better assist. She explained her relationship with her parents was never without strife, and now that they are infirm, prior conflict producing behaviors have exacerbated. This has caused her to gain 70 pounds.
Sylvia has my full-fledged empathy…how could she know I understood her so very well? I was happy to listen and am sorry our time together was limited. Sylvia has made a profound impression on me.
Parents, aunt and uncle had proper Medicare coverage and enough wealth and retirement income to sustain comfortable retirements…if they ignored the 5,000 pound elephant of long-term care in the room…which evidently, they did.
Sylvia explained they have enough wealth to pay for care, but I cannot agree. If so, why is she living with them, and suffering as she is?
Perhaps they have enough wealth to pay for care if they start liquidating it, but they’re not, and they are clearly unwilling to.
“I’ll just self-insure” may be the #1 all time favorite excuse to not buy LTC insurance. Perhaps Sylvia’s parents used this very excuse not to buy LTC when they were able. If not, there are many other popular LTC excuses they might have used, as well.
Without LTC, when care is needed, family dynamics are often thrown into a tailspin. Relationships degrade, resentments flourish. Denial of the need for care provides fertile ground for stress to grow and fester. Access to appropriate paid care is put off longer than optimal and then rationed.
When they might have been able to chart a more dignified course of action and purchase reasonably priced LTC insurance, they chose instead to not honestly discuss the 5,000 pound elephant of long-term care in the room.